However, they may also struggle to feel soothed by the parent. They may cling to the parent in an effort to get their needs met. Children who experience this type of attachment tend to feel insecure. A parent who may at one moment be present and meeting the child’s needs, then at another moment be entirely unavailable and rejecting or, on the opposite end, intrusive and “emotionally hungry” can lead the child to form an ambivalent/ anxious attachment pattern. From infancy, people learn to behave in ways that will best get their needs met by their parents or caretakers. However, ruptures in these early relationships can lead children to form insecure attachments. Secure attachments form when caretakers are consistently available and attuned to a child’s needs. Understanding how their parents related to them and whether they experienced a secure attachment versus an insecure one, can give people clues into how they view relationships in the present. Exploring their early attachment patterns can offer individuals’ insight into their fears around abandonment and rejection. However, it’s been said that even the best of parents are only fully attuned to their children around 30 percent of the time. In order to feel secure, children have to feel safe, seen, and soothed when they’re upset. However, they can also occur at a much subtler level, in everyday interactions between parents and children. These losses and traumas can be dramatic, like the death of a loved one, neglect, or emotional and physical abuse. How and why does it develop? How does it affect me in my current life? What are strategies for dealing with the anxiety that arises? How can I develop more resilience and experience less fear around relationships? Where does fear of abandonment come from?Īs children, people may experience real losses, rejections, or traumas that cause them to feel insecure and distrusting of the world. They can start by understanding where this fear comes from. However, there are effective ways for people to develop more security within themselves and overcome their fear of abandonment. The degree to which a person is faced with this fear can shape how they live their lives and experience their relationships. They may also experience a fear of abandonment phobia, which is characterized by extreme dependency on others, and is commonly seen among individuals diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorders. In extreme cases, people may struggle with “autophobia,” an overwhelming fear of being alone or isolated, in which they perceive themselves as being ignored, or uncared for even when they’re with another person. We may be set off by anything from an aloof first date to a longtime partner seeming distracted and unavailable. Most of us can relate to having heightened anxiety over thoughts of rejection. Everyone experiences this fear at different levels. Things will be going along smoothly, and all of a sudden, they feel inundated with insecurity and dread that their partner will distance themselves, ignore, or leave them. For many others, these fears aren’t fully realized until they enter into a romantic relationship. They worry they’ll be rejected by peers, partners, schools, companies, or entire social circles. Some are plagued by these fears pretty consistently throughout their lives. Many people grow up with fears around abandonment. Attachment, Relationship Problems, Relationships
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